What is it about me studying on a couch at Midnight Oil...

...that makes the musicians who come in every Saturday want to strike up a conversation? Clarice and I have made MO our preferred study rendezvous, and we go there - really - to actually study. Sure, we run into the occasional acquaintance, and yes, we do pepper our studying with conversation. But something about sitting on the green couch in the alcove makes us magnets for lame (and often annoying) conversation with strangers.

Let me set the scene. The local music store has begun hosting live local music at Midnight Oil on Saturday nights - the performances are taped and broadcast on Channel 6 MyTown TV. "Well," you might say, "that sounds really cool and a great opportunity to support local talent." I would agree with you, but I have heard the bands, and more importantly, I've had to talk to them.

I'm not an unfriendly person. I wouldn't mind these conversations if they weren't A) really long and intrusive to my studying, B) unsolicited by me, and C) rude and pushy with regard to content.

You might respond to Complaint A, "Why not just study somewhere else?" I concede that I could avoid this whole dilemma by doing so. And sometimes I do leave (that is actually why I'm at home writing this post right now). But I maintain that there is nowhere in Searcy where I study better than MO, and I REFUSE to surrender my territory!

I think that Complaint B is unattackable. Even if I were at MO specifically to hear the band (which I am not), it would still be weird for a band member to make small talk with me for 15 minutes. Besides, when I'm approached for these conversations I'm clearly studying.

Complaint C requires examples. And oh, these are only a taste. The singer for Little Rock band "Poe Innocent" tried to curry my favor as an audience member by looking at my shoe-less feet curled up underneath me on the couch and joking, "What stinks?" Not funny. Then he spent about a quarter hour trying to convince us that his band of aging 80s rockers sounded like the Foo Fighters (they INCREDIBLY did not) and asking us to please use the bathroom before they started the set so that we wouldn't accidentally block the camera.

When the set started, the band was so loud that I could hardly hear Clarice even when she shouted in my ear, and we were surrounded by the band's groupies (aka husbands and wives) and one little kid whom they were trying to keep from falling asleep by pumping him full of an espresso-laced milkshake. When we left, I accidentally knocked over the milkshake and it was caught on camera. The only satisfying part of the night.

And tonight, believe it or not, was even worse. The musician was, surprisingly, actually talented - a jazz pianist. But he was even ruder than the Poe Innocent guy. After chatting it up w/me and Clarice and finding out that we are teachers, he started challenging us with questions like, "Well, but what do you do when a kid won't listen to you? What do you do when he bucks up to you? So what if you send him to ISS - what if he won't obey there?" These are questions for deep debate that really don't have good answers, so stop attacking me with them while I am STUDYING in a COFFEEHOUSE and I haven't paid a COVER CHARGE!!! Other than my coincidental need for java, you have no indication that I even want to hear your music. So how about you don't challenge me after knowing me 5 minutes.

Then, he went beyond the point of rudeness by shamelessly asking and asking and asking for tips and getting mad when no one seemed interested. At one point he finished a song, and I'm sure I heard him say, "I hope you're enjoying your evening for free."

And it was at that one point that I left.

I know that this was the longest, most disorganized, rant-iest post ever, and I apologize. I just had to vent. But please, if you know anyone planning to play at Midnight Oil on a Saturday night, give them some tips on how not to alienate an audience and slip them a milkshake laced with humility right before the show.